This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
