i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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