And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
