i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
