I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
