Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
