I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
