I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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