4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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