Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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