woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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