I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
