i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
