I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
