YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
