I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
