The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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