I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
