you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
