i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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