and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
