Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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