I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i believe in u and ur pee
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
