Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
