I showed him my bush... on skype.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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