I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
