I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
