Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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