Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
