Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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