Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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