i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
