she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
