yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
