so that wasnt chicken after all
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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