i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
