she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
