Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
