If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
