Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
