Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
