i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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