As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
