Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
