I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
