he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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