okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
