the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
