he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
