Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
