I'm sorry my penis didn't work
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well I just put wine in my tea
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
