ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
