Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
