wanna go halves on a baby?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
