So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
