WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize