Kiss
Puke
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
