My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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