Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
